anesthetic

You were my anesthetic,
I numbed the world with you.
I tasted nothing from your lips,
feel nothing form your hands.
Felt nothing.
I vaccinated myself with you -
broke myself upon you.
You were my substitute for lust,
my inoculation against love.

When I close my eyes I still see your face
even when I sleep the emptiness stinks of you
but there's nothing interesting about you
nothing beautiful,
nothing.

In my dreams I watch you cross the darkness,
dragging your fingers like hypodermic needles on my skin,
crawling like a spider on my body,
using your teeth on my lips.

my sleep is stained with you
it stinks of your cologne,
of your breathe,
of your jealousy
and it bores me.
The familiarity bores.
I feel nothing when I dream of you. Nothing when I think of you.
Nothing ...
not even contempt.